What would Zeno do?

What if someone knocked on your door, and when you answered it, they told you that they are convinced, (for reasons they can't rationally explain), that a space alien named Zeno is probing your thoughts and will punish you after you die unless you join their cause, cast wishes at Zeno and offer your time and money and otherwise organize your life around the organization of Zeno followers? What if they asked you, "can you feel the presence of Zeno" and your significant other said "yeah, well, I don't know...maybe"?


Would you buy into it? NO? Well, welcome to the world of nonbelievers.


We've heard the Zeno pitch. We've heard versions from all around the world. We've heard countless tales of how it makes sense to believe something that you can't really prove the possibility of, for reasons you can't rationally explain. We've heard it countless times before. We've been told countless time about how there must be something wrong with US because we don't presume to feel the presence of Zeno.


(And, here's a clue: telling even more Zeno stories, (that apparently were good enough to convince some other people) isn't going to change how preposterous the offer is).


But what if you're wrong? Surely it's better to spend your life on your knees casting wishes at Zeno (who gives the appearance of not being there) than to die a nonbeliever in Zeno.

There. Are you convinced yet that you need to join the Zeno org?

No? Why not?


But Zeno's followers are wise and use impressive terms like "Exegesis", "Hermeneutics", "Illumination", and talk about how Zeno's thought-probes "indwell" in them.


Ready to join?

No? Don't you want to be wise like them?


Tom from around the block said that he cast a wish at Zeno about receiving a raise at the anniversary of his hire, and he did.

Convinced?!

Ready to dedicate your life to Zeno?

No?


Sally prayed for her cancer to go away. It either will, or Zeno's answer will be 'no', or she'll need to wait and see.

Convinced yet?

No? Why not?



Zeno has countless followers and someone wrote an old book.
There! Now SURELY you are convinced to dedicate your life to the spreading the news of Zeno, right?

No?



Some people say that the holy Zeno books have crazy things written in them. This is said by "low minded" apostates and nonbelievers. You just need to take all the troublesome bits and call them metaphor and all your problems with the old books will go away.

There, now it makes perfect sense to organize your life around Zeno's afterlife insurance policy, right?

No? Why not?



Well then, there can be only one rational conclusion.

There must be something wrong with *YOU*.


Now, doesn't that make good sense?

No?