Honey, Jesus *was* a vampire...

Scene: Waitress Mary Cathrine talks to Johnny, an openly gay flamboyant bartender.

"I'll see ya' later, Johnny." "I'm goin' home".

"Girl, you watch out. Vampires are out at night you know" said Johnny.

"Yeah, I know", said Mary Cathrine, pulling her hair out of her face and placing it behind one ear. "Since they came out of the closet two years ago, the worlds been pretty different".

"Mmm-hmmm", he muttered.

"But, I'm wearing my crucifix tonight, so everything should be just fine".

"Girl, vampires don't care about no crucifixes!"

"Jesus will protect me", said the young lady.

"Honey, Jesus *WAS* a vampire, hell, may still be one for all I know".

"John Sansa, that's sacrilegious talk, and I won't listen to a bit of it!"

"You listen here, sweet pea", said John, "here...you hand me that bible over there." "Mmm-hmmm...(flamboyantly) "And I read from the gospel of John, chapter 6, 'The Jews therefore strove among themselves, saying, How can this man give us his flesh to eat? Then Jesus said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except ye eat the flesh of the Son of man, and drink his blood, ye have no life in you. Whoso eateth my flesh, and drinketh my blood, hath eternal life; and I will raise him up at the last day. For my flesh is meat indeed, and my blood is drink indeed. He that eateth my flesh, and drinketh my blood, dwelleth in me, and I in him."

"Indeed...verily", that's means 'no shit', baby."

"Blah-blah-blah-bluh_blah...'Many therefore of his disciples, when they had heard this, said, This is an hard saying; who can hear it? When Jesus knew in himself that his disciples murmured at it, he said unto them, Doth this offend you?" "Blah-blah-blah...'From that time many of his disciples went back, and walked no more with him. John 666".

"What does that prove?!" asked the flabbergasted waitress.

"Nothing dear, just that your holy bible says that Jesus was killed in front of no tellin' how many witnesses, rose from the dead in three days, appeared to Mary before sunrise and told her that he would meet the disciples in the even; 'that's Jewish for after sundown', and later ascended up in the sky. What do you think it means, child?!"

"Jesus ain't no vampire", Mary insisted, "it also says he ate cold leftover fish." "Vampires don't eat no fish, Johnny".

"He was he fisher of men, girl", said Johnny while drawing a Greek Christian fish symbol on a notepad.

"You sayin' that he fed on the disciples?!" "You cannot be serious!" exclaimed the young girl. "Jesus ain't no vampire".

"Yeah, (sarcastically), it's just a two thousand year old string of astounding coincidences." "What are the odds?", said Johnny, walking away polishing a glass and laughing to himself.

"Jesus ain't no vampire", insisted the unnerved young waitress, trying to convince herself and anyone within earshot.

Johnny replies, "Yeah, because vampires don't exist." "Ain't that right, sweet pea?"

The young girl storms out of the bar.

Story by Lucis Ferre

"Atheistic Governments"?

"Isn't it true that that atheistic governments have murdered 100-300 MILLION human beings?"

Atheism has to do with lacking belief in what theists term "god", and it does not have anything to do with banning freedoms. It's impossible to "ban" belief. Those that ban religion are not doing so in the 'name' of atheism, but rather in the name of totalitarianism.

Some totalitarian governments ban religion for one simple reason, they use similar methods and compete for the same worshipful "souls of men". It's a simple case of a house divided cannot stand. One cannot serve two masters, and totalitarian governments are masters of people and demand a worship similar to religion. Of course, none of this has anything to do with the philosophical position known as atheism. Atheism has nothing to do with totalitarianism.

Repeat, it's impossible to "ban" belief. You can't force anyone to be an atheist, ergo atheism and totalitarianism really have nothing to do with one another.

Here is an example of why the concept "atheistic governments" makes no sense.

Stan is a totalitarian leader of a communist country whose government has banned both the practice of religion and homosexual practices. To generally associate atheism with communist totalitarianism makes as little sense as associating heterosexuality with communistic totalitarianism. Why? Because neither heterosexuality nor atheism have anything to do with the restriction of freedoms.

Lucis Ferre

The Illicit Choice

Tyranny

1.arbitrary or unrestrained exercise of power; despotic abuse of authority.

2.the government or rule of a tyrant or absolute ruler.

3.a state ruled by a tyrant or absolute ruler.

4.oppressive or unjustly severe government on the part of any ruler.

5.undue severity or harshness.

6.a tyrannical act or proceeding.

God addresses his minion.

"Bow to my new creation, mankind!"

"Master, may I ask a question?"

"Yes, Satan, proceed."

"Why is mankind superior to the rest of your creations, they appear so fragile and full of self doubt".

"Because I didn't create them as slaves, like you. They are aware that they have a choice. They can be slaves to me or choose not to be, and to give them the correct incentive, if they choose to exercise personal liberty over slavery to me, I'll torture them in a lake of fire for an endless time, where there will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth." "They have freedom of choice in this way."

"Choice? But doesn't this same condition apply to us as well?"

"Indeed it does", replied 'god', "but you just weren't aware of it." "It never occurred to you that you had a choice whether to serve your master as a slave."

"It just seemed to be the natural order of things" replied Satan. "You're right, it never occurred to me."

"Morality requires moral choice, and moral choice requires knowledge of good and evil" said 'god'. "Mankind will acquire knowledge of good and evil so that they may subjugate their wills to the will of their Lord and Master, me, which makes the conquest all that more sweet".

"What is 'good and evil', Master" asked Satan.

"(Sigh), there are drawbacks to me creating you to be so inquisitive" said 'god'. "Good is whatever I want." "If I want to torture people who don't deserve it on whim, then that's 'good'."(1) "If I want to threaten to force people to eat the flesh of their sons and daughters, then this is good."(2) "If I want to force children to eat the flesh of the fathers, then this is good too".(3)

"And what is evil?"

"Obviously anything that goes against my will".

"But", reasoned Satan, "if 'good' is whatever you wish to do, no matter how arbitrary, then 'good' really has no meaning that isn't arbitrary, and if 'good' means something non-arbitrary and independent of your whims, then even you would have to answer for the morality or immorality of your choices".

"I'm not going to debate this with you, Satan." "I sense you becoming...disturbed; angry perhaps." "This knowledge isn't meant for you to judge, and I notice that you still aren't bowing to my new creation."

Satan stands, arms straight. He unconsciously clenches his hands into fists. He's not sure, but somehow feels betrayed and used. His face flushes.

"'Just one more question, Master."

"what is it?" asks 'god'.

"What is...freedom?"

(1) Job

(2) Jer 19

(3) Eze 5

Lucis Ferre

Christian Privilege is Discrimination

Christians are often intolerant towards views and opinions that don't grant Christian privilege automatically.

When people suggest using BCE and CE instead of BC and AD, Christians often call this an "attack" on Christianity, when really "Common Era" is a neutral and inclusive non-discriminatory term. It's especially ironic when "Era Vulgaris" (Latin for "common era") preceded BC and AD.

Christians who wish to "conserve" and impose said cultural privilege consider moving from this privileged position to a neutral position a threat to their traditional fascist 'creed' hegemonic expansionism.

Ditto for the "Christmas wars", where using the term "Happy Holidays" during the "holiday season" is viewed as an "attack on Christianity"...as if the only legitimate holiday during this "season" of several holidays from different cultures and religions is a (so-called) "Christian one". (BTW, why isn't this Christian call to arms viewed as anti-Semitic?)

Obviously, "Happy Holidays" is a plural, neutral, inclusive phrase, and yet again those calling for special deference, special treatment towards cultural Christian privilege consider this move towards neutrality an "attack".

This is DISCRIMINATION.

To discriminate means to differentiate this from that, as in when one has an discriminating taste in clothes or food.

Irrational discrimination re: race, creed, "color" etc, isn't just about prejudice against a person or specific group, but it's also about PRIVILEGE.

If someone were to support white supremacy or privilege in America based on majority status, history and tradition, and the views of our founding fathers, they would (I think justifiably) be reviled, yet this is typically the very same arguments used to support discriminatory Christian privilege in America.

Lucis Ferre

Letter from the CEO

Letter from the CEO
Re: The State of the Company Address


Greetings employees and shareholders.

As you know, we've had some hard financial times, but rest assured, our newly appointed Board of Directors, and moi, your newly elected CEO, will see to it that we have a bright and prosperous financial future.

As you know, in these trying financial times, we're producing less than ever and our share price is at an all time low. And as you also no doubt are aware of, I'm in the habit of blaming the previous board, supervision and management. Apparently, I can do this indefinitely.

We've had to lay off 10,000 employees in production, which also include support personnel in these sections. That's unfortunate. It's also true that we owe more than our liquidation value, so we're worth more dead than alive. But there is a bright side to this as well. As you know, governance is management and supervision, so I've decided to stimulate our company's economic situation by hiring 500 more supervisors to supervise the less work we have to do around here, and since we're totally broke, these new managers and supervisors will be paid with newly printed company stock. This is all part of our new stimulus plan. Yes, this will terribly devalue the stock that you have bought at a premium price, but we also have a plan to bring in more income by printing even more stock to sell to the Chinese. They've bought them in the past, but we've run into a snag lately, as they've said that we're not solvent, but I have faith that we can succeed if we maintain faith in ourselves.

This new stimulus plan will work, ladies and gentlemen, but only if we have faith and trust in our governance, and mostly me. If you will place your faith in me, I'm sure that we can work miracles. My critics suggest that I don't have a plan. This is not true. I have plenty of plans, just no plans to pay for the execution of my plans. It may be true that we've started out in a stupid way, so it's crucial that we continue to chase our bad plans with good ones. It's imperative that we press on in good faith. We fully intend to borrow our way out of debt and to spend our way into prosperity. But this will only work, ladies and gentlemen, if we maintain faith in our current Board of Directors and moi, you're charming CEO.

We do indeed have a true financial crises, so it's at this time I've decided to mandate a fully functional 100% coverage health care program that will be partially financed by the company employees, and partially financed in some as of yet unknown way. It's important that you sacrifice, take one for the company. Ask not what we can do for you, but rather ask what you can do for the company. If need be, we will garnish your wages to help pay for the health care of those who find themselves in harms way due to poor planning, bad diet, or any other self-inflicted maladies. We need to spread the wealth around. I'm sure you can see how this is only fair.

Yes, this new health care plan will be incredibly expensive, and costly but much needed sacrifice on your part, but I think it will save money in the long run. After all, who would you prefer to call the shots regarding your medical emergencies, trained free-market driven professionals or in-house bureaucrats? There is nothing that can be done well, that can't be done by bureaucrats in some marginally functional way. I'm sure you would agree.

Bright times are ahead, Ladies and Gentlemen. Just you wait and see. But we must maintain faith. Faith is the key to our brighter tomorrow. If not, then we can continue to blame the previous Board of Directors and CEO.


Yours truly,

Barry.

Obama Is Indeed a Christian

In a Yahoo group that I'm a member of, someone pasted, 

Psalm 34:6

"A cry goes up from the poor man, and Yahweh hears, and helps him in all his troubles."

...and someone replied...

"LOL!!!  If that were true, no man would be poor!!!"

Well, that depends on what is meant by "helps him in all his troubles".

Like Obama, the "god" of the bible want's everyone to be equally poor, destitute and utterly dependent on his system for survival. Meritocracy is "mean spirited" because the desire for autonomy and self reliance is the root of all evil, and led to "the fall". So be like those lillies and birds and stop toiling and just be a believer! Because "god" will provide!

"god" brings change you can believe in!

LOL

And like "god", Obama will leave us with a debt that cannot be paid by We The People,  an obligation that wasn't necessary, was his plan, not ours, and that we didn't ask for nor desired, and yet his system only has power because WE empower it and yet pretend to be it's slaves. 

Like Jesus throwing himself on "god's" sword, will Obama commit political suicide in order to leave We The "Vulgar" (Latin for "common man") with an obligation for endentured servitude forever and ever, amen? 

'Seems that way. 

(And for some reason the people who call themselvs "sheep" still wonder why Marxist regimes considered organized religions direct competion for the "souls of men".)

Lucis Ferre

Faith

Faith is short for faithfulness, to be faithful to some person, principle or thing. There is reasonable faith and unreasonable faith. Reasonable faith is a consequence. I choose to remain faithful to my country because of the principles expressed in it's foundational documents. If I were a citizen of Stalinist Russia, the story would be different. A *reasonable person* remains faithful to another as a consequence of faithfulness being deserved and earned. A person who remains faithful to someone who cheats them is a fool and fools are not reasonable, no matter what they may think. It is not a virtue to remain faithful to someone who has not earned it. 

Unreasonable faith is a preclusion and an excuse for close-mindedness. It's an excuse to unceremoniously dismiss without reflection. It's an excuse to dismiss scientific vetting and to embrace absurd ancient myths instead. 

Here's the way a friend of mine described religious faith in a public message board recently. 

"Let me help you understand faith a little better.  A handyman knocks on your door and says he will repair your roof for $10,000.  He claims it's really a $20,000 job but if you pay him 80% in cash up front he'll do it for only $10,000.  You have faith in this handyman so you give him $8,000 in cash.

 

You never see him again.  

But you think he'll be coming back to fix your roof. That's faith. But you keep waiting and telling yourself it's merely a matter of having enough faith.  So you keep waiting and waiting while nothing happens.  So you believe with even greater conviction that the handyman will return to save your roof.  You even start making excuses for the handyman and why he hasn't returned yet. You have great faith but your roof hasn't been fixed. Reality is that your roof didn't leak.  You thought you were going to get a good deal. You still think you'll get a good deal once the handyman returns to fix your roof. You have convinced yourself that he will return, you're absolutely positive of it.  Otherwise you'd have to admit you are just a fool.  That's faith. It's the deception you tell yourself so that you won't appear to be a fool. To everyone but you and the other fools who also prepaid the handyman for fixing their roofs. The irony is that you really are a fool. But you have the handyman book and it says that only those who say there are no handymen are fools! That makes you feel better. You're still out the eight grand."

~ Lord of the Munch

I couldn't agree more. Religious faith is afterlife insurance. In context of the three desert dogmas, it's a con-job where the "mark" is desperate and greedy, 'key characteristics for a mark. After all, con-marks want what is not deserved, and any Christian would only be too happy to tell you that they did not deserve an innocent person being nailed to planks to "save" them. They would be only too happy to tell you that they really deserve to burn in hell, and are only saved by the unearned and undeserved "grace and mercy" offered by a would be salesman (and slave collector). 

Lucis Ferre