Letter from the CEO

Letter from the CEO
Re: The State of the Company Address


Greetings employees and shareholders.

As you know, we've had some hard financial times, but rest assured, our newly appointed Board of Directors, and moi, your newly elected CEO, will see to it that we have a bright and prosperous financial future.

As you know, in these trying financial times, we're producing less than ever and our share price is at an all time low. And as you also no doubt are aware of, I'm in the habit of blaming the previous board, supervision and management. Apparently, I can do this indefinitely.

We've had to lay off 10,000 employees in production, which also include support personnel in these sections. That's unfortunate. It's also true that we owe more than our liquidation value, so we're worth more dead than alive. But there is a bright side to this as well. As you know, governance is management and supervision, so I've decided to stimulate our company's economic situation by hiring 500 more supervisors to supervise the less work we have to do around here, and since we're totally broke, these new managers and supervisors will be paid with newly printed company stock. This is all part of our new stimulus plan. Yes, this will terribly devalue the stock that you have bought at a premium price, but we also have a plan to bring in more income by printing even more stock to sell to the Chinese. They've bought them in the past, but we've run into a snag lately, as they've said that we're not solvent, but I have faith that we can succeed if we maintain faith in ourselves.

This new stimulus plan will work, ladies and gentlemen, but only if we have faith and trust in our governance, and mostly me. If you will place your faith in me, I'm sure that we can work miracles. My critics suggest that I don't have a plan. This is not true. I have plenty of plans, just no plans to pay for the execution of my plans. It may be true that we've started out in a stupid way, so it's crucial that we continue to chase our bad plans with good ones. It's imperative that we press on in good faith. We fully intend to borrow our way out of debt and to spend our way into prosperity. But this will only work, ladies and gentlemen, if we maintain faith in our current Board of Directors and moi, you're charming CEO.

We do indeed have a true financial crises, so it's at this time I've decided to mandate a fully functional 100% coverage health care program that will be partially financed by the company employees, and partially financed in some as of yet unknown way. It's important that you sacrifice, take one for the company. Ask not what we can do for you, but rather ask what you can do for the company. If need be, we will garnish your wages to help pay for the health care of those who find themselves in harms way due to poor planning, bad diet, or any other self-inflicted maladies. We need to spread the wealth around. I'm sure you can see how this is only fair.

Yes, this new health care plan will be incredibly expensive, and costly but much needed sacrifice on your part, but I think it will save money in the long run. After all, who would you prefer to call the shots regarding your medical emergencies, trained free-market driven professionals or in-house bureaucrats? There is nothing that can be done well, that can't be done by bureaucrats in some marginally functional way. I'm sure you would agree.

Bright times are ahead, Ladies and Gentlemen. Just you wait and see. But we must maintain faith. Faith is the key to our brighter tomorrow. If not, then we can continue to blame the previous Board of Directors and CEO.


Yours truly,

Barry.